Thursday, October 16, 2008

FINAL Honeymoon Blog - 10/14 to 10/16/2008


Sadly, as I predicted, the last three days of our honeymoon didn’t prove to be as interesting as the day of the Talent Show. That day - the day we left the Bahamas - was the climax of our trip. As proof of this, I offer you the small amount of pictures we took. So instead of detailing each and every moment like I’ve done before I’ve decided to mention the high points of the last three days.

On Tuesday night the ship’s musical crew performed a wonderful musical tribute to the Beatles called “A Ticket to Ride.” There was singing and dancing and props and lots of costume changes. It was really well done, in my opinion. Sitting behind us were Dave and Barbara. Barbara did not seem to enjoy the show as much as Dave did. During the last song of the show, glow sticks were distributed to each member of the audience, so that they could wave them around as they sang along. The last song ended with shower of shiny, silver confetti.

After the show we enjoyed what would be our last “Hangin’ with Dave” time. As we had done before, Alicia, Dave and I sat out on the back of the ship, at the Orpheus Bar and enjoyed talking about whatever topic came up. I promised Dave that I would find him during dinner the next night so that we could exchange email addresses.

On Wednesday afternoon, Alicia and I entered a “Battle of the Sexes” competition. There were three events in which a group of men and a group of women squared off in trivia and physical activities. The first event was random trivia. 10 men and 10 women were lined up on stage and given a topic (ice cream flavors, breakfast cereals, etc.). Then, one by one, each person in the row had to come up with an example within that topic. If the example was stated twice or incorrectly, that person sat down. Alicia and I both participated. The men won the first round. Then it was time for musical chairs. The men won that round, too. Finally, Alicia and I participated in the last event. I’m not sure what the name of the game was, but the object was to put 3 quarters into a cup using nothing but your butt-cheeks. 3 men and 3 women were each given a quarter and told to stand behind a line. A cup for each team was placed about 10 feet away. One by one, each person had to affix the quarter between their *ahem* cheeks and walk to the cup where they could squat or stand over the cup in their attempt to *ahem* deposit the quarter into the cup. First team to have all three in the cup would win. Alicia and I proved to be valuable for our teams as both of us deposited our quarters and ran back for another. Ultimately the men won as I deposited my second and the winning quarter in the cup. There was no prize, however, and Alicia and I walked away disgruntled.

Later in the day, we returned to the Phantom Lounge to compete in the last movie trivia game of the cruise. It was random trivia from all genres. In previous trivia attempts, Alicia and I would work together to fill out one answer sheet. This constantly seemed to cause a bit of frustration as Alicia and I would take turns saying “I told you to put that!” as some of our answers turned out to be incorrect. So this time, we decided to each fill out our own answer sheets. The plan was that when one of us felt absolutely confident about an answer we would put that answer on both answer sheets, but when neither of us was very confident we would write down our own gut instincts. This proved to be the winning strategy as I won the contest with a comfortable lead. The prize? A bottle of champagne.

Thursday morning found us pulling into New York Harbor again. After breakfast we spent the majority of the morning packing up. Since we decided not to use the ship’s valet system to handle our luggage and chose, instead, to carry our own luggage we were allowed to leave the ship before most people. As soon as we got off the ship in NYC we pulled out our cell phones and called our families.

We needed to get to JFK to meet Eldon but in order to take a taxi we needed cash. So began our second great adventure of dragging our luggage through the streets of New York to a Bank of America ATM. We were merely blocks away when I decided to quit. I told Alicia to leave me with the luggage and cover the last 4 blocks on her own. When she arrived, she discovered that the ATM we were looking for was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t a total loss, however, as Alicia discovered a Port Authority Bus terminal that could take us to the airport for a third of the cost. She walked the 4 blocks back to me and helped me gather the luggage again. We walked the 4 blocks, again, dragging (literally) the luggage behind us. We paid the fare and boarded the bus.

We got checked in and waited for Eldon to arrive with Alicia’s mom and dad. After Eldon arrived and was checked in we decided to grab a quick lunch before we went through security and headed to our gate. There weren’t many places to eat immediately around JFK Airport, so, while stopped at a red light Alicia’s dad rolled down the window and asked a taxi driver where he suggested we eat lunch. Without hesitation he suggested a place called “The Cantina” where he said “all the taxi drivers eat.” It wasn’t until we pulled up to the place that we realized that he was being literal. ALL the taxi drivers did eat there. Not only did they eat there, but it was where they congregated and waited for work. To make the whole scene just that much more uncomfortable each and every taxi driver was Middle Eastern or Arabic looking. We had walked into what appeared to be a post-9/11 nightmare. Unfazed and undaunted, gripping Eldon just a little tighter, we walked in and ordered our food from the counter.

We made it back to the terminal without incident and said goodbye to Grammy and Poppy. Surprisingly it wasn’t as emotional as I had expected. We went through security in a breeze and found our gate. Hours later we were in Utah.

So that’s it. That’s the end of the Honeymoon Saga. Alicia and I both feel that we’d definitely go on a cruise again someday with the kids. It was 8-days of a laughter, inside jokes, silliness, beautiful scenery, and most of all romance.

Let real life begin.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Honeymoon Blog - 10/13/2008


After a day of roasting in the sun, snorkeling in the turquoise ocean, and swimming at beach you can imagine how deep the sleep was last night. We awoke to the drastic realization that we were sun-burned, but not nearly as bad as we could’ve been if we’d neglected the sunblock. Today’s theme is “One Last Hurrah.” Here are the pictures.

I can’t be really sure, but I suppose that the conversation with “gun-in-the-mouth” lady scared us off from going back to the dining room for breakfast. We’ve never been back. And today, we were too lazy to even make it up to the buffet. We just called room service and had a continental breakfast in bed. Today would be our last day in the Bahamas. We were docked at Road Town, Tortola, and we only had half a day to do some swimming, buy some local arts and crafts and sample the local fare, so we had to get moving.

We stepped off the ship at around 8:00 a.m. Since we were both planning on doing some swimming at local beach neither one of us cared very much about how we looked. We immediately found one of those taxi-trucks and climbed aboard for what would end up being the best rollercoaster ride $6 could buy.

Imagine, if you will, a one-lane road weaving its way up one side of the mountain the island was made from and down the other side. Now imagine a large F-450-sized truck with a bus welded to the back doing 40 to 50 mph on this road. Most of the time the only thing separating your taxi and a sharp 200-foot plummet is small metal rail. Now take that one-lane road and make it a two-way road. Then just for kicks add some light drizzle. The rig we were riding in roared up the road, often moving over to the very edge of the road to allow oncoming traffic to go by. And just to add to the experience cars would skid to a stop as we rounded corners simply because there was only room for one at a time. Then came the downhill portion of the adventure. It was stressful enough to worry about whether or not we were going to be killed or fall off the road, now we had to worry about those things AND pray that the brakes weren’t going to fail. What makes this whole situation so much more entertaining is the fact that Alicia slept soundly, with her head in my lap, the whole time.

No worse for the wear, we arrived at Cane Garden Bay. The first thing I noticed about this “resort beach” was the level of poverty. Homes were dilapidated, cars were useless, and it seemed that there were chickens and roosters everywhere. We turned few corners and stopped on a dirt road next to a hotel, that, in my young, single days, would’ve been an adventure I would’ve enjoyed. But you wouldn’t catch me in that hotel these days. Blame it Hilton & Marriott. This was the end of the ride. We climbed out of the taxi and walked in the direction of the beach. We emerged onto a beautiful beach looking out onto a gorgeous lagoon-like cove. People began offering to rent us beach chairs. There were tables with snorkeling and swimming gear for rent. The entire beach was lined with pubs, bars and restaurants. We found a place in the sand next to a freshwater stream flowing out from the jungle and underneath some coconut trees. Once the towels were laid out and the sunscreen applied, Alicia and I dove right in – me into the ocean and Alicia into her book. Although the water was clear and warm, the sand below offered up no treasures – no shells, no coral, nothing. Well, not “nothing.” We did end up finding three aluminum cans, a plastic plate, a beer bottle, some bottle caps and a coconut tree frond that had somehow washed out to sea. While I was frolicking in the ocean (I’m not sure it’s a good thing when men frolic), Alicia was laying on her Carnival Miracle courtesy-beach-towel on the sand reading her book. Unbeknownst to her a small, scruffy black puppy was playfully scampering up the beach toward her. This dog had obviously been told over and over how cute it was and felt that its sworn duty was to show everyone (especially the tourists laying on beach towels reading books). The puppy ran right up to Alicia’s face. Alicia recoiled in repulsion and terror. This whole scene was even more hilarious to me, watching from 50 feet out in the ocean, because I knew of her total disdain for anything having fur. Once the puppy had sufficiently proved its point and convinced Alicia of its cuteness, it continued on its way. This seemed to Alicia to be a good time to go swimming. Splashing into the small waves, she made her way out to me. Being the wonderful, sacrificial husband that I am, I offered her my goggles. She took them and began to adjust the straps and BLOOP they were gone. She had lost her grip on them and they fell into the water, sinking to the bottom. We both just looked at each other for a moment before I dove under and blindly began feeling along the sand for them. After surfacing again and again to catch my breath, I realized that they were probably long gone. Some poor sap and his wife would find them someday, buried in the sand as they looked for shells and coral. I stepped toward an apologizing Alicia and felt something under my foot. Without moving my foot, I submerged myself and surfaced again with my goggles. Alicia had had enough swimming and we decided that two hours of swimming was enough. We exited the ocean and began to gather our things. We packed up and headed back to the waiting taxi.

So, remember that paragraph you read about the taxi ride TO the beach? Let’s just say that I never imagined that I would long for THAT ride. The trip back to the dock was twice as bad, except that this time we had to swerve around goats that were grazing on the side of the road. As I got myself right with God, Alicia beamed with a smile and occasionally let a “wheeeee!” slip out. This is the same woman that jumps every time I quickly turn around and say “boo!” I’m glad she enjoyed it. I knew that if we died, at least I’d be going to heaven.

We arrived back at the dock and decided to go aboard the ship to drop off our bags of beach gear. When we’d done that, we headed off to the rows of street vendors hocking affordable, (read as cheap) touristy souvenirs. We went from tent to tent looking for items that the kids would like and would represent our trip to the Bahamas. We found beautiful coral and seashell necklaces for each of them. Alicia honed in on what I assume was a handcrafted necklace with a very pretty ornament made from wire and green stones. It fit her style perfectly. As we shopped a woman sat in her tent belting out a song that consisted of the same line over and over - “Bettah gate red-ay. Jesus ees cah-men!” Remarkably, it blended with the marketplace atmosphere perfectly.

True to form, we insisted on sampling some of the authentic food from the island. We wandered up and down the busy street looking for just eh right place that didn’t appear to be a trendy tourist trap. But, we soon realized that those types of restaurants were probably deeper into the city than we had time for. We had to be back on the ship at 12:30 p.m. and it was currently 11:45 a.m. After passing the same restaurant two times we finally conceded to eat at Pusser’s Pub. When we walked in the ambiance was very cool. There was an obvious British influence in the pub, but it was mixed with items and artifacts from ships and the sea. Alicia and I had looked at the menu outside so we knew what we were going to order when we sat down. The waitress was a little surprised when we told her our order upon being seated. The food came fairly quickly – conch fritters and Caribbean jerk-seasoned chicken. We shared the food, eating it as quickly as we could and paid the bill. Now the fun would really begin. It was 12:20 p.m.

There have been a few moments on this honeymoon that I’ve been glad that Alicia is fit and athletic. This was one of those times. Not unlike our run through the streets of New York, we had to cover a respectable distance in a short amount of time, so we started running. Our running turned to sprinting as the time ticked down to 12:30 p.m. We arrived at the dock, out of breath, and sweating (most of it was condensation from the humidity) only to find a line of passengers waiting to get on the ship. We made it. We didn’t need to run.

Still a little hungry, we headed to the lunch buffet to eat. We went through our normal routine “divide and conquer”, going our own ways to get the food we wanted and then meeting to find a table. Since we ALWAYS sat in the same general area, it worked for us.

After lunch we made our way to the Fountainhead Café to sign up for the Talent Show. We’d read about it the night before and thought that it’d be fun to perform the Evolution of Dance routine we did at our reception. The rules were simple. Due to the fact that they assumed there would be a HUGE demand to be in the talent show, there were only going to allow six acts. In the event that there were more than six entries they would hold a drawing. Alicia and I arrived early, and already had our music with us on a USB drive. The night before I cleaned up the timings a bit and swapped out the Michael Bolton song we danced to at the reception with the love song from Titanic. Long story short there were 7 groups that showed up and a drawing was done. We were in. Binky escorted us to the Phantom Lounge and had us run through our acts one by one for a sound check. Those men and women who were planning on singing were going to be accompanied by the ships’ jazz orchestra. Alicia and I asked to be last so that we could maintain the element of surprise. It was finally our turn and we took the stage. The music started and we stumbled and tripped our way through the first 1 minute of music and then said “Okay, we’re done.” There simply is no way to describe the look on Binky’s face as we exited the stage. The best way to describe it was a look of terror and nausea. “Don’t worry,” I said as we passed him, “we’ll practice and be ready.” He obviously took no comfort in my promise.

Because of the day’s activities and the pending late night performance we decided to take a nap – a good, LONG nap.

After our rest, we got dressed and headed off to dinner. Tonight’s selection was really, really inviting - beef stroganoff, rack of lamb and black bean enchiladas. While Alicia passed on them all, I decided to try them all. Somewhere around the middle of the stroganoff my stomach sent a message to my brain that it wasn’t happy anymore and that the black bean enchiladas I had already eaten were quite enough. My brain sent a message back telling my stomach to shut up and keep working as the rack of lamb was placed in front of me. Thus began the total revolt of my digestive system. We wrapped up dinner and walked through the ship on our way to the Mad Hatter’s Ballroom where I would reprise my karaoke stardom. As we rounded the corner into the Fountainhead Café I caught wind of the all-you-can-eat sushi bar now in full aroma. And that’s when the surrender flag went up in my stomach. I darted into the next restroom where I… um… well… gave the rack of lamb, the stroganoff and some of the black bean enchiladas back to the ship.

Four years of studying theater taught me that the show must go on, so I entered the Mad Hatter Ballroom and submitted my name for another round of karaoke. This time, however, my performance didn’t have the same… pizzazz. I sang “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole and, while Alicia said it was good, it was just not the same attention-grabbing, show-stopper that my previous performance was. Honestly, I was okay with that since I was trying very hard to forget what had just happened moments before.

After one more nap, Alicia and I prepared for the talent show. We practiced our slow dance in order to make it stiff and awkward, the rest we were already prepared for. Alicia dressed in the same beautiful black dress she had worn to the first elegant dinner and I wore black slacks and my favorite blue dress shirt and tie. We polished ourselves up and headed down to the Phantom Lounge.

The Lounge was full. I estimate that nearly 300 people were seated by the time Alicia and I arrived and sat with the other performers in the reserved rows up front. We were told what order we’d be performing in and were pleased to learn that we were going fifth. The first man performed “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love” by Barry White. It was really good. The next man performed “I Write The Songs” by Barry Manilow. It, also, was well done. Next a sweet, old black woman got up to sing “Precious Lord, Take My Hand.” She sang in a very warbled, opera voice and spent most of the time off-key, but everyone applauded her willingness to be on stage. Next an older black man peformed “Oh Danny Boy” on the harmonica to a taped accompaniment. His performance was about 4 to 5 seconds ahead of the music, but again he received his applause. These two performances only made what Alicia and I were about to do more perfect. We were finally announced as “The Purdys” and took the stage. The Titanic music started and we began our terrible, elementary attempt at slow dancing. You could feel the tension in the room as hundreds of people asked themselves if they would stick around for 5 minutes of this awful display of dancing. Just as the audience couldn’t take any more, the record scratched and I burst into rendition of Elvis as “Hound Dog” blared through the speakers. The audience went crazy. Suddenly everyone sat back down. Alicia pushed me aside and took over with “The Twist” by Chubby Checker. On and on we went from song to song, making our way through the decades of music until finally the record scratched again and Alicia joined together again in our awkward slow dance as the Titanic theme played out. It was over. We bowed to a standing ovation. The audience LOVED our performance. We had now become “THAT couple.” After a brief interview by Lenny, the activities director, we exited the stage with our bottle of champagne, a ship on a stick and a talent show certificate. The last singer took the stage to sing “Just Once” by James Ingram. He did a great job and the talent show was over.

The lights came up and one by one people came up to us to shake our hands. Some even gave us hugs of congratulations, each one expressing their enjoyment of our dance. Some confessed that they were on their way out of the Lounge when our dance took its exciting turn. Many people that we’d met on the ship waved at us, but one of our friends in particular made his way to us – Dave from Connecticut. As I was talking with some other “fans” Dave asked Alicia if we were going to join him at the Orpheus Bar later. Alicia, under the impression that we were going to bed, told him the unfortunate news that we would not be hangin’ with Dave tonight. We finally made our way out of the Lounge and started to head toward the elevators when I decided that we hadn’t basked enough in our fame and suggested that we walk through the ship together. I was not prepared for what happened next. As we walked into the casino applause broke out. We graciously smiled at everyone as we passed. Some people chose to follow us, still applauding. We left the casino and entered Metropolis (the open space where the glass elevators were) and other talent show attendees shook our hands and patted us on the back. We finally reached the other end of the ship and entered the elevators with some other people. The elevator doors shut and all became silent. After a few seconds of quiet, someone spoke up asking “You’re the Purdys, aren’t you?” We smiled and said yes. “What a wonderful job you did. Are you professional dancers?” We chuckled and I said “No, just two people without inhibitions.” Everyone laughed and the elevator doors opened up to the Lido Deck.

We turned a few corners and reached the Orpheus Bar. Alicia found a table and I headed to the bar to get our amaretto sours. When I returned to the table, I found Alicia sitting with Dave. She had noticed him sitting a few tables away and went over to him and asked him if he’d like to sit with us. So we DID end up hangin’ with Dave, anyway. Alicia, Dave and I talked about random topics – our dance, his life in CT, our future in Utah, our kids, his kids, and other random topics that came up. After an hour or so, we said goodnight to Dave and headed to our room.

It had been a great day – a day that began on a warm beach ended with our last hurrah on stage. Neither of us can imagine how the remaining days of the cruise will ever compare.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Honeymoon Blog - 10/12/2008


Apparently last night there was a gigantic party on the Lido deck complete with live music, dancing, singing, more dancing, dancing contests, a dance line, oh… and alcohol. I learned today that it was THE moment that the Carnival crew looks forward to. Alicia and I slept. And you know what? I don’t know about Alicia, but I don’t regret missing that party. Not one bit. Because for me, sleeping next to the woman I love, the woman I have waited for was more amazing and brought more joy than any conga line in the world. So that’s what we’ll give today as a theme: “The World In My Arms.” Normally I’d put the pictures here, but I’ll wait to the end.

We slept until about 7:30. The ship arrived at 6:00 a.m. at Long Bay in St. Thomas. When we woke up we checked the Bow and Stern channels and saw the small town of Havensight. We were both anxious to get going. Today would be the day that we would indulge in the only shore-excursion we’d purchased – a 3-hour tour (cue music). The tour consisted of a short catamaran ride to a small island where we would anchor in a cove and snorkel. The whole thing would start at 9 a.m. so we needed to get moving.

We grabbed some food at the breakfast buffet upstairs - the usual Fruit Loops, eggs, sausage & fruit that we always eat. There was a quiet, unspoken anticipation of what we would see and experience. We’d purchased the underwater camera in expectation of seeing some amazing things. We knew that we’d talk about this day for the rest of our lives. There was a part of me that wished, secretly, that our kids could be with us to experience it, too. BUT they couldn’t. So there.

We stepped off the ship at just before 9:00 a.m. noting how blue the water was. The smell of a passing, morning rain storm was still in the air and made the already sticky air smell a bit sweeter. Next to the dock ran a long chain-link fence with one exit. Along the ship-side of the fence stood men and women holding signs on which were written the names of different excursions. We scanned the signs for our excursion, but didn’t find it, so we decided to exit the dock through the gate in the fence, thinking that our group would meet by the dozens of taxis lined up in the parking lot. Now, when I say “taxi” what I really mean is homemade bus. Think of it more of the lovechild between a Ford F-450 and a parking lot tram at a Disney theme park. Then, just for comic effect someone sticks a Yellow Taxi sign on the top of the cab as a finishing touch. There were rows and rows of them, each one with a more-than-eager driver asking “Taxi?” when you make eye-contact with them.

Alicia and I looked around and took in the beauty of the mountain covered in lush, green jungle that we were now standing on, and yet, still at sea level. Gigantic homes dotted the mountainside. Not what I expected. We didn’t see a sign or any indication as to where our excursion was supposed to meet, so we decided to turn and walk back through the gate. Of course, not before we showed our passports and “sign & sail” cards to the man that just saw us walk out of the gate to prove that we hadn’t somehow changed our identities in the last 5 minutes and were now dangerous to the security of the ship. I approached a crew member and asked where our excursion was meeting. He pointed along the fence. It was right about then that a young man named Andy waved and asked us if we were waiting for the catamaran/snorkeling excursion. He told us that it would be about 30 more minutes before we left, so decided to take advantage of the time and see if any shops were open in the open-air mall 100 feet away. We exited through the gate again, winking at the security… guy. Our luck wasn’t so, um, lucky, because none of the shops were open, yet. SO in what could only be seen as funny to, well, me, we walked to the gate again. This time, however, the man looked as us as we handed him our passports, gave us an annoyed look and waved us through without checking our identities.

Andy was there, but this time with a group of other eager shipmates ready for their boating and swimming adventure. We were instructed to move away from the fence and stand near the edge of the dock and our boating crew would be along to get us. At this point it started to rain again, though not much. The clouds were patchy so it was obvious that it would soon end. The other people in our group, who were, in fact, black, started complaining about getting wet and the effects that the rain would have on their hair. Alicia and I looked at each other with an understood look as we both wondered if these people were confused as to the “underwater” nature of snorkeling. We just smiled in our quiet entertainment.

Enter Chris the Dude (our nickname for him). Our host for the adventure was the iconic example of a guy who had decided in college that he would prove his parents wrong and make a living being a beach bum. His tanned skin contrasted with his sun-bleached, long, blond hair. Shorts, t-shirt and flip-flops completed the package. He was a dude. Having been a dude, once, I recognized it. Alicia recognized it. Chris greeted the group and explained that the boat was a “good walk” away and asked everyone to stay close. Then, you guessed it, we walked out of the gate. I smiled at the guy again.

We made our way along the island-side of the fence, following Chris. This gave me a chance to chat with Andy. I found out that it was Andy’s first day, his training day, on the boat. He mentioned he had spent the longest amount of time in Colorado Springs but had moved around a lot. Seemed like a genuinely nice kid who just wanted to work in an industry that, let’s face it, was more interesting and beautiful and fun than where you and I work.

We arrived at the catamaran, called the Castaway Girl, and received a quick introduction to the rest of the crew – Jeremy and a large, pasty-white man named Carl, who was our captain. We were asked to remove our shoes and drop them in a red, plastic bucket before we boarded the ship. Once everyone was aboard and seated the boat immediately pulled out of port and the safety speech began. Chris the Dude, delivered a very rehearsed speech complete with jokes that charmed everyone on board except for Alicia and I. In fact, Alicia leaned over to me and asked me how much action I thought he gets from the female tourists with his beach-bum attitude, accent and attire. “Too much” was my response. Now you have to imagine that Chris the Dude’s manner of speaking was a delicate cross between Keanu Reeves’ “Ted Theodore Logan” and Mike Myers’ “Wayne Campbell.” His repertoire of charming humor went something like this:

“In case of emergency there is a life raft on the board. It will fit, two cases of rum, myself and three women.” (Surfer laugh)

“There are life vests under the seats” He continued. “Don’t worry. There are enough life vests for the crew.” (Surfer laugh)

He finished with “You’ve probably heard the phrase ‘the crew goes down with the ship,’ but I assure you that doesn’t apply here in the Caribbean. If you see the crew suddenly jump into the water, there is something wrong with the boat.” (Surfer laugh)

As soon as he was done with his shtick, Alicia and I quickly moved to the very front of the boat just atop the right pontoon. We rested our feet on the cargo net stretched between the two pontoons. There were just over 20 of us on the boat, not including the crew. Some other guests took our cue and joined us on the forward deck of the boat. Just then, there was a loud WHIIRRRRRR followed by a loud BANG as the main mast went up. One of our black friends from NYC, an older man named Charles, yelled out “What the HELL was THAT?! We’re not used to sounds like that in the City!” This should’ve served as a warning to everyone on board as to what to expect from Charles and his family, but it gets better , keep reading.

The water was as warm as the day and Alicia squealed happily as we crested each wave and came back down, sending a spray of sea-water onto her face and body. The sail lasted about 30 minutes and the excitement of the adventure grew as we came closer and closer to Buck Island, a small, 40-acre bird sanctuary. The catamaran slowed and pulled into Shipwreck Cove, where it anchored itself to a buoy. During the ride, each person was handed a pair of flippers. Once the catamaran was anchored masks, snorkels and inflatable diving vests were distributed. Now, it was Chris’ turn to speak again.

Chris began to explain where we were – a U.S. wildlife preserve, off-limits to tourists. No one was to remove anything, living or otherwise, from the island or the cove. In fact, no one was allowed to set foot on the island at all. Then Chris began to explain to us the art of using the equipment we’d been given. The vests had a black tube that pointed up that could be used to add or remove air as needed. If you wanted to be assured that you’d float all you had to do was simply press down on the tube and blow into it. If you wished to dive below the surface, then pressing on the tube would release the air inside. Jeremy, the most experienced diver amongst the crew then carried out water noodles that could be used for additional floatation. Charles’ wife, a heavy-set black woman with Don King-like hair raised her hand and sequestered 7 of them. Chris then instructed us that since water would likely end up in our snorkels, the easiest way to expel the water was to shout the word “two” into the snorkel. Charles’ wife, now aptly nicknamed “Noodles from New York” by Alicia, interrupted Chris to clarify. “Tube?!” she inquired fretfully. “Two,” Chris said calmly, obviously at the outer limits of his patience, “but you don’t actually have to say it out loud…” He digressed. After some instruction about our masks and another warning about messing with the sea creatures Chris told us to get in the water. Alicia and I were the first ones in. Camera in hand, we immediately started diving and testing out our abilities in our new world. Chris, Jeremy and Andy were some of the last in the water. Chris told us that we were welcome to swim off on our own, but that a guided tour of the cove was available. He would be pointing out fish and coral along the way. Since we paid for the excursion, Alicia and I decided to go with the tour, although we were two of the most experienced swimmers amongst the guests.

The tour began. Each time Chris would dive, I would dive with him. I wanted to get close up pictures of the sea life. We saw clown fish, blue tangs, yellow tangs, zebra fish, parrot fish, an octopus, two sea turtles, jellyfish, a barracuda and assorted coral. Alicia and I found ourselves being bombarded and man-handled by the slower, heftier, uncoordinated snorkelers in our group. Each time I would surface from diving, I would run head first into the thigh or belly of one of them. At one point a woman practically swam over my back in completely oblivious to what she was doing. Alicia enjoyed the moment as my frustration got the best of me and I planted my hand firmly on the woman’s butt and pushed her aside. It was then that the comedy reached its pinnacle. From waaaay in the back of the group came the frantic cry of Noodles. “JEH-RA-MAY!! JEH-RA-MAY!! HELP ME!! I’M NOT MOVING, JEH-RA-MAY!! THE WAVES ARE PUSHING ME BACKWARDS!! JEH-RA-MAY!!!” Everyone turned to see Noodles with her fully-inflated vest and 7 buoyancy aids flailing about in the water. Jeremy swam back to her, grabbed her by the vest and pulled her to the front of the crowd. Loud shouts of “TWOOO!! TWOOOO!!” came from her snorkel. Yes, even her children had realized how ridiculous she was and joined Alicia and I in our stifled laughter. Finally came the highlight of the swim. Out of the sapphire blue cove emerged a shipwreck in two pieces, 25 feet underwater. Chris explained the story of how the ship came to rest in the cove. In the 70’s a cargo ship was discovered by the U.S. Coast Guard to have a shipment of marijuana on board. There must have been an informant working amongst the good guys because by the time the Coast Guard reached the ship in Long Bay it was fully ablaze and the crew was gone. The ship sank and was left in Long Bay for 20 years, then relocated to Buck Island to create man-made reef. Sand bags held the wreckage to the bottom. We swam over the huge diesel engines that once powered the ship. Then Chris told us that a barracuda often hides in the hull of the ship and he would swim through the hull to flush it out. In a moment of bravado I decided that I would join him. Alicia panicked as she could read my mind. But, as Chris entered the hull, my better-judgment kicked in and I stayed out. After a few pictures of the ship and a couple of Alicia and I together underwater (courtesy of Jeremy) Noodles and the group headed back to the boat. The adventure had come to an end. It was time to head back.

The boat ride back was no different than the ride to the island, except that rum punch was being served now. Chris distributed some Chex-mix in a cup to everyone on board and, like before, Alicia and I enjoyed the front of the catamaran and spray of the sea. It was an awesome and fulfilling excursion. We are both very glad that we paid the money to go. The last adventure was getting past the crew as they stood on the dock with a makeshift tip jar. We hadn’t brought much cash with us, so while I’m sure that they were expecting fives and tens, Alicia and I scrounged up a whopping $1.80. We dropped the money in the jar, moving quickly to get away.

Once we were off the boat and wearing our shoes again we headed into the Havensight Mall again to find some lunch. As in Puerto Rico, it was our goal to sample some authentic local cuisine. We walked up and down random streets looking for something that appealed to us. Being that it was Sunday, there wasn’t much open. Like in Puerto Rico, there were some franchises there, but finally we settled in at the Havensight Café, an outdoor restaurant/bar. After running to a nearby ATM to withdraw some cash we ordered our food - Caribbean wings, Jamaican Black Bean Soup, beans and rice and curry chicken.

We decided to fly in the face of the age-old warning of waiting for an hour before swimming and boarded a taxi for a $6-ride to Morningstar Beach, a quiet and yet popular cove for swimming. We used the goggles we had purchased in Old San Juan to rummage the floor of the ocean for coral and shells to take back to the kids. We swam for about an hour. By that time it was time to board the ship again. Another taxi ride back to the Carnival Miracle and another trip through the gate (where we were recognized and waved through, again) brought us back to our stateroom and a hot shower. We cleaned ourselves up, dressed and headed off to Dinner to see our old friends D and Francisco.

After dinner, as was usually the case, there wasn’t much to do. So, Alicia and I decided that we’d try our luck at winning another ship on a stick. In addition to the desire to dominate the ship, we now had the goal to win enough trophies for each of our children to have. We currently had two. We headed to the Phantom Lounge to play a Classic Movies trivia game. Exactly as before, Binky played a clip from a classic movie, and then asked us to name the movie. He followed that up with two additional questions about the clip. Not being our forte, we didn’t win. So, we headed back to our room to change.

In a spur-of-the-moment, last minute decision we decided to head to the Orpheus Bar on the Lido deck at the back of the ship. This was an open-air bar/lounge where the wind was low and few people congregated. We settled into a table for two and I purchased amaretto sours for us to sip on. Alicia had never tasted amaretto sours before that moment, but soon discovered her new favorite drink. We sipped the sours and talked about our day, a deluge of rain soon began to pound the tarp above our heads. The torrential downpour swept in waves across the exposed wooden floor of the Lido deck, surrounding the pool and Jacuzzi at the rear of the ship. Just then, our friend Dave from Connecticut approached us and said hello. Dave Hass is a kind, grandfather type man, who stands, I'm guessing around 5'9". His grayed hair swept casually across his forehead in an obvious surrender to the wind on board. We invited him to join us, learning that Barbara had already gone to bed. We enjoyed our conversation with Dave as we meandered our way through numerous topics, finding common ground along the way. We discovered that Dave owns (or owned) an insurance agency, but that the business wasn’t what it once was thanks to oversized, under-experienced mega agencies. We learned that he was a respected square-dance caller, too. In fact you can find Dave here. Our time, known from this point on as “Hangin’ with Dave,” lasted for just over an hour. Then it was time for bed. We said good-night to Dave and headed to our room.

I woke up this morning with the world in my arms, spent the day with a world below the surface of the water within arms’ reach and went to bed a world away from where I had been only days before. What a beautiful world we live in. What a beautiful woman to share my world with. Tomorrow: Tortola.


Okay. Here are the pictures.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Honeymoon Blog - 10/11/2008


Today was a good day. We finally got to get off the ship and see another part of the world. Today’s theme is “Sights and Sounds of Old San Juan.” Here are the pictures.

We didn’t get to sleep last night until around 2:00 a.m. so we decided to sleep in. We were supposed to arrive in Puerto Rico around 2 p.m. and I really wanted to watch as we approached and docked so we got up around 11, showered and had some lunch… er… brunch.
Brunch was good. It was the tail end of breakfast and they were quickly swapping out the breakfast entrées for lunch ones. We feverishly grabbed what we could. I went for scrambled eggs and Alicia lunged for a few mini-boxes of Fruit Loops. We talked about our experience the night before. We laughed and looked forward to finally getting off the ship. We’d already started experiencing a little cabin fever. As much as we were enjoying our honeymoon and the time to be together, we realized that we’re not really “cruise people.” For us the cruise was a means to an end. Yes, the activities and the food were nice, but what we really wanted was to see the Bahamas. Don’t take me wrong, we both are having a wonderful time and enjoying ourselves. We’ve just got a little case of cabin fever.

We finished off our meal and headed back to the room to pack for our afternoon and evening in San Juan. We’d somehow gotten it in our heads that we were going to find a beach and experience the sun and sand of Puerto Rico. We packed two backpacks full of stuff that we “needed” – towels, sunscreen, book, computers, etc. There was still quite a bit of time left before we’d arrive in San Juan so we decided to seize this opportunity to address a very serious growing crisis we’d ignored since the start of our honeymoon – our dwindling supply of clean underwear. We took ten dollars in quarters to the guest laundry mat and washed a couple of loads of mostly socks and underwear.

Since we eaten only an hour prior, we decided to forego the lunch buffet and order in. We called room service and ordered some veggie trays and other snacks to tie us over until we got off the ship. On the television in the room they only offered four broadcast channels – ABC, CBS, NBC and FOX. The other 30 channels were made up of 2 live camera shots of the ship (one showing the bow, the other showing the stern), two 24/7 looped tapes of the day’s previous activities as captured by the ship’s video team (Alicia and I were actually on these channels quite a bit), 1 channel dedicated to a morning show hosted by the Cruise Director and his assistant (both think they’re incredibly funny), 1 channel playing a pre-recorded show of the Cruise Director discussing all the shore excursions, 3 channels of music being played along with scenes from nature, 1 channel showing a GPS map of where the ship was on the globe, 1 channell showing movies were hurried out of the theaters, and 19 TV Guide channels. Yep. Lots of choices.

We flipped to the channel that showed the bow of the ship and saw that Puerto Rico was approaching quickly, so we hurried up and grabbed our bags and cameras and headed to the bow to watch and take pictures as the ship docked. The sky was ominous and yet beautiful as a storm had just broken. We slowly passed a 16th-century, Spanish fort called “El Morro” that used to guard the port of San Juan. We pulled into the small bay and immediately spotted the place where the ship would dock (it was the fanciest place within 5 miles). We took some pictures and grew antsier as the ship drew closer and closer. We really wanted to get off the ship. Alicia and I shared this dream of finding a dark, sweaty club playing Latin music so we could learn to dance and have a great time. Alicia imagined that it would something like the scene in “Romancing The Stone.”

In an anticlimactic twist, the ship docked and we were told to wait about an hour while the ship went through customs and filled out “paperwork.” So we… waited.

Finally we were able to leave the ship. We had heard that after a few days of sailing, we’d have trouble adjusting to land again. Not so. As we left the ship there were musicians playing, booths handing out Bacardi Rum-punch samples, maps, coupons and all sorts of things that we had no interest in. We wanted to see the sights and taste the food. Ironically, the first restaurant we passed had the word “burgers” in the title. We stopped at an information booth and asked a young man there about how to experience an authentic Puerto Rico. He directed us to a place called Raices, just a few blocks’ walk away. I also asked about any open-air markets that were nearby. It turned out that there were open-air markets everywhere. We walked a few blocks and passed a sidewalk sign advertising the Hard Rock Café. Of course, predictably, I had to go. The good news? It was on our way.

We turned left and headed up a small hill. The sticky warm air of the Caribbean made us very aware of the backpacks we were carrying – still filled with beach gear, laptops, cameras, change of clothes, assorted rocks, African mammals and a Volkswagen (or so it seemed) – but since our options were to carry the load or return to the ship, the choice was easy.

As we turned the corner onto the street where we’d have our authentic meal at Raices, we spotted the Hard Rock immediately. Alicia indulged me as we took pictures and went inside to buy a “city tee.” We didn’t do much exploring inside, since our time, and daylight was very limited. And honestly, after you’ve seen a dozen or so Hard Rocks, you’ve seen them all.
We left Hard Rock and walked 100 feet west and found Raices. The woman out front was dressed in a white cotton dress with her hair done up in a white wrap. I assumed it was authentic Puerto Rican female garb. We put our name on the waiting list and walked back east a few doors to a place called Camille’s. Camille’s was practically a clone of Panera except without the bakery. It offered American sandwiches, salads, soups and smoothies, but it offered something that we really wanted – Internet access. We assumed that the right thing to do to use Camille’s Internet would be to buy something, so we purchased a strawberry smoothie and settled down at a table outside on the sidewalk to check our email and send a status report to our loving friends and family. We also took advantage of this time to call our family on our cell phones. Even though we knew we were using a roaming signal and would be charged an arm and a leg, we absolutely HAD to speak with the kids. To our delight, and maybe a little of our sadness, the kids expressed how much they missed Alicia and I.

Our conversations didn’t last too long and it was a good thing because from down the street we heard the faint call of a Puerto Rican woman yelling “Hoooomerrrrrrr?” We quickly packed up (and I mean QUICKLY) and ran in the direction of the restaurant. Thankfully, the woman recognized us, smiled and led us to our table. There we met our waiter, Melvin (yeah, I know, authentic). He told us about all the amazing drinks that he could make for us, so Alicia picked the mango mojito and I had a sangria. Then we set to ordering our food. Neither of us really knew what we were doing since 100% of our experience was in Mexican food. Alicia looked for fajitas to no avail. I simply looked for anything that popped out to me. Melvin returned with the drinks and we placed our orders. Alicia ordered the pan cooked chicken with onions and fried plantains. I ordered the pan fried steak and onions, rice and beans. Both meals were awesome and delicious. At the end of dinner, as we were waiting for Melvin to return with our receipt, we overheard him telling a passionate and animated story about the latest episode of Mad TV featuring Stuart (a strange child played by Michael McDonald). He was SO into telling the story that Alicia and I were actually entertained. Since I knew the character, I asked him about it. Melvin ended up reenacting the entire episode for us. What made the whole situation even funnier is that Alicia had NO idea who or what he was talking about. She just smiled and nodded.

We left Raices and decided, since we’d heard it mentioned that we needed to find the local Walgreen’s. As we walked northeast, turning right, then left, then right, then left. On the way we stopped at a souvenir shop and bought things for the kids. We finally found ourselves in an open air mall that had been completely invaded by Franchised America. We passed a Starbucks, and a Wendy’s, and Arby’s and of course, the Golden Arches. There on the corner, nestled next to Marshalls was Walgreen’s. We purchased some supplies – hairspray, sunscreen, goggles, candy and a disposable underwater camera for tomorrow’s adventure in St. Thomas.

We stuffed the stuff into our already-stuffed baggage and headed off to find the dance club we’d been dreaming of. We wandered up one street and down another. Soon we found ourselves on the other side of Old San Juan, looking at the Atlantic Ocean. We walked along the shore for a bit, but not for long, since it was apparent that this was the low-income, non-tourist section of the city. We eventually made our way through the city again, and ended up on the other side of the peninsula that Old San Juan sits on. Not far away was a plaza with a huge gazebo. From this plaza emanated the sounds of music and singing. We couldn’t resist. We made our way to the plaza, found our seats on some stairs and just enjoyed the ambience. But, we only lasted so long, as the call of Internet access called to us (pitiful right?).

Off to Camille’s again. This time we found a table inside, plugged in and really dug into our email. We also checked our bank account balances and paid some bills. We stayed way past closing time, but the manager was nice enough to ignore us and let us stay as long as we wanted. Finally we set off to do the one last thing before heading back to our ship.

We stopped back at an open-air market and found a booth where two men had made handcrafted leather items like belts, bracelets, shoes, sandals, wallets, etc. One man was sitting there actually making the items, so we knew they weren’t knock-offs or retail resales. Alicia zeroed in on a red bracelet that was more of a wrist-cuff with two buckles. I sorted through some beautiful belts and narrowed my choices down to two – a brown belt with almost no design and a black one with a braded design on it. Alicia helped me decide on the black one. We doled out the money and took our wares back to the ship.

All in all it was a great visit. Did we dance? No, but we saw Old San Juan and we tasted the food. We were satisfied and, let’s face it, our shoulders REALLY hurt from all the luggage we hauled around. I’m so glad we decided to prepare for the day at the beach.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Honeymoon Blog - 10/10/2008

One of the things that Alicia and I have been looking forward to since the start of our honeymoon is the opportunity to have stories to tell for the rest of our lives – stories that we could pass on to the kids and they could tell to others. This day was full of them. For that reason I’ve decided that today’s theme is “Wow, did that just happen??” Here’s the pictures to go with today’s blog.

Since we had such a pleasant experience at breakfast yesterday we decided to have breakfast in the dining room again, both because the food was good and because I liked meeting new people. They sat us at a table very close to the back of the ship, where we could look out the windows and see the wake and the churned-up water from the propellers. Because we were now one day closer to the Bahamas and just about to enter the Bermuda triangle the ocean was a deep, royal blue. We sat next to a nice couple from Pennsylvania and two elderly women who were traveling with a musical group called “Rosie and the Jammers.” (accordion music meets 60’s rock) I sat closest to the two women. The woman sitting right next to me, whom I thought had very pretty, stylish blond hair for someone her age, asked me if Alicia and I were on our honeymoon. I told her we were. The following conversation then took place.

“How long did you two go together before you got married?” She asked.
“Well we met at the end of January, this year, so it been just over 9 months.”
“Oh, that’s very soon. My husband and I were together for 15 years before we married.”
“Oh, really? That’s very special.”
“Well, he’s dead now.”
(Slightly surprised) “Oh I’m sorry to hear that.”
“We were only married for five years. Shortly after we got married he had a stroke. The doctors told him that he was going to have another one, so he put a gun in his mouth and shot himself.”
(My omelet-filled fork stops mid-air)

Now, it’s not often that I’m caught completely off-guard. I waited for her to say “just kidding” or something to let me know that I could laugh, but the relief never came. She just stared at me with her sweet, old lady eyes. I mustered up as much sympathy as I could amidst my total mortification and said “That’s… horrible… I’m… so sorry… that happened.” I reached under the table and grabbed Alicia’s leg, then began to shovel food into my mouth so I could use my manners and not talk with my mouth full. Breakfast ended and we said good-bye to everyone and got our tails out of there.

The next activity we decided to engage in on our quest to dominate the ship was a true demonstration of Alicia’s willingness to humor me. We decided to enter ourselves in a bean bag tossing competition. If you never knew this, there’s an actual sport called “Cornhole.” There are two boards set up roughly 15 feet apart on the floor, facing each other. The boards have one hole in them and they are slanted at about a 10 – 15 degree angle. Each team is given three bean bags. The teams are divided up and two players, one from each team, stand on opposite sides of one board and the other two players do the same with the other board. Then one player tosses the bean bag and tries to either get it in the hole for 3 points or on the board for 1 point. If your team gets it in the hole and the other team does, too, then the points cancel each other out. If your team gets it in the hole and the other team gets two to stay on the board, then you only get 1 point (and so on). Each team takes turns tossing all three bags. The first team to 7 points wins. So Alicia and I put our names in the bucket and called our team “The Wedding Crashers.” Some other teams we competed against were: “Two To Go” – a married couple about our age that was still living in the time of 80’s big hair bands, “Fruit Loops” – two middle-aged soccer moms, and “The Kids” – two elderly men who still had the same moxie they did when they were 17-year-old street punks. Alicia and I were in the first competition. Alicia tossed first and landed 1 in the hole. The other team tossed their 3 and got nothing. Then I tossed and got 1 in the hole and two on the board. The other team tossed and got one on the board. Game over. We won. We waited patiently while round 1 finished up. Alicia leaned over to me and whispered “We’re gonna get beat by one of these teams of unathletic people. Both the Fruit Loops and the Kids advanced to the next round. Alicia and I were up first again in round 2. It was a back and forth match. Alicia scored most of the points, but we were simply out cornholed. We were defeated by the Fruit Loops.

This seems like a good time to introduce you to someone from the Carnival Activities Crew named Binky. His real name is Shaun Hill, but he mentioned that everyone calls him “Binky.” He encouraged anyone who wanted to know why he was called Binky to stop him and ask. Alicia and I never really had the intestinal fortitude to be around him long enough to find out. Binky is an overweight 30-something with a bleach-blond flat top, thick, dark-rimmed glasses, and a penchant for being really annoying while simultaneously thinking he’s THE reason people decided to board the ship. He’s from Atlanta, so he has a southern accent. My gaydar goes crazy when he enters the room. There’s really no way to adequately describe Binky’s laugh. It’s a raspy cackle that he uses at the end of every sentence. He hosted/referee’d/spoiled the bean bag toss. Please understand that this is man who obviously despises his job and working with people and yet, he’s on the Activities Crew. Every single time a round of tossing was completed without points being scored he’d lean his head back and yell “NO POINTS!” then laugh like the Count from Sesame Street. Then, without pausing, he’d jerk his head forward and announce the team who was supposed to toss next. So it’d sound something like this: “NO POOOINTS!! AH! AH! AH! AH! BLUE team’s turn!!” I swear there were moments when angels of God were holding Alicia back. I’d already heard the distinct “SHING!” of the metal claws coming out of her knuckles and the hairs on her neck were standing on end. I simply found entertainment in watching her cringle and tense up every time he spoke. Later in the day we discovered that the Fruit Loops had won it all. Good for them. We’ll give them ONE trophy.

We returned to our room for a quick change and some R&R, then headed out to the back of the ship to sun and swim on the Lido deck. Another thing no one tells you about cruises is that swimming and sunning isn’t like what they showed you on the Love Boat. The ship was going 21 knots in the open Atlantic Ocean. Sitting out on the deck to get some sun was about as relaxing as sticking your head out of a car going 70 mph to do the same. Not to mention the chaotic sloshing of the pool from side to side. But, dedicated to our cause to “try it all” we waded through the sea of deck chairs and sun-bloated albinos to find our spots at the very rear of the ship along the railing. It was there that we met Nancy and Roger, a nice couple from Saratoga Springs, NY. We had a nice conversation about our stories, their family, our honeymoon, and their son’s fiancée who left him one day before the wedding. We enjoyed meeting them, but after sitting there for 20 minutes talking, Alicia and I both realized that we’d stayed too long with one sides of our body facing the sun and, despite our efforts, would probably be a bit burned later.

We decided that since it was lunchtime, not that we were hungry, it was time to eat. Today’s lunch buffet featured Indian cuisine, which thrilled Alicia. All the dishes were delicious and prepared by actual Indian cooks. I tried everything they offered and liked it all. As was the case with every meal, we were pretty full when we were finished.

Not that I needed to, considering I was married now, but I decided to go and workout again after lunch as my way of coping with the way I had just engorged myself at lunch. (It’s safer than purging). Alicia on the other hand decided that she needed to take a nap if we were to engage in the late-night activities we’d read about in the daily schedule. So while she drifted off to sleep, I stumbled off to the gym. Like showering, working-out takes on a whole new dimension with the rocking of the ship. I managed to compensate well-enough for the dumbbells rolling around on the floor between sets, but I was not prepared for the horror of trying to run on a treadmill on a ship. Just when I’d adjust for the rocking of the ship to the right, it’d roll back to the left and I’d have to stutter-step and adjust my pace. So I surrendered and opted for the stair-climber instead. I worked out for about 40 minutes and headed back to the room to shower and join Alicia in napping.

We napped and napped good. All this eating and bean-bag-tossing can really wear you out. We dressed a little early for dinner so that we could walk around the ship for a bit. Alicia wanted to go by the library and see what kinds of books they had and I just wanted to see parts of the ship I hadn’t seen before. We stopped by the library only to find that it was three locked bookcases with a collection of books made up of what I assume to be books that guests had left behind. There wasn’t much of a selection. But Alicia found some Ted Dekker books she wanted to read so we decided that we’d stop by in the morning and check the books out.

Downstairs from the library was a place called Frankie & Johnnie’s lounge where currently a karaoke party was taking place. Never being one to shy away from the chance to sing karaoke, I asked Alicia humor me once more and allow me to sing. Lovingly she agreed and we found a small table near the stage. It didn’t take me long to find the song I knew I could really nail. I submitted my name and song selection and waited while a slightly tone-deaf old man sang a Frank Sinatra song, a large girl (whom we’d run into later) sang “My Beloved” by Evanescence, a big black guy murdered (no pun intended) a TuPac rap and a white-guy-who-thinks-he’s-black-because-he’s-dating-a-black-girl and said girlfriend did “Me and My Boyfriend/Girlfriend” by Jay-Z and Beyonce. Then it was my turn. I turned to Alicia and informed her of my plans to sing to a random woman in the audience. The DJ called my name. I took the stage. I told the audience that my song was dedicated to someone very special. The crowd aw’d and ooh’d. Then I confessed that it wasn’t who they thought. Turning to Alicia I said “I’m sorry honey, but there’s someone else.” And with that I busted out my best rendition of “It Had To Be You.” When I sang the word “you” I pointed to a black woman sitting to my right. Her eyes became as large as pizzas as I took her hand and led her to a chair I’d placed on stage. I crooned and swooned her. At one point she adjusted her breasts to give her more cleavage. The audience ate it up. When it was all done, the audience applauded and I kissed the hand of the kind woman and led her back to her seat. Alicia and I made a casual exit and headed off to dinner.

The dining room wasn't open yet, so we sat in some massage chairs near some windows just to wait and rest. It was there that we met Dave and Barbara from Connecticut. We told them our story and they were very kind. The dining hall finally opened up and the four of us shuffled in and took our seats at our assigned tables.

After we’d finished dinner, complete with a Shakira dance routine performed by the wait-staff, we decided to head back to the room to kill some time, watch The Office and prepare for our 80’s dance party.

The party was in a place called Frankenstein’s Lab – a 2-story discothèque complete with floor-to-ceiling video screen, lighted floor and 20-foot Frankenstein monster statue. The whole place was rigged up to shoot electrical beams through glass tubes to the beat of the music. Pretty cool. Alicia and raided our closets to assemble the best 80’s costumes we could find given that we hadn’t really brought anything. I have to say that, when we were done, we looked pretty silly, but very 80’s. When were the first ones to arrive and when we walked in… well… I only wish that I’d had a camera to take a picture of the faces the bartenders made. Apparently, we’d taken the newsletter literally. But, without missing a beat, we stayed in character. The music started and we hit the dance floor. We went to work doing our best 80’s dance moves. For a solid 20 minutes we were the only ones dancing. Other couples arrived and began taking pictures of us. We decided it was time for a break and headed to the bar to get ice water. After we left the dance floor, other couples started dancing, so we watched for a bit to cool down. We returned to the dance floor to dance with the other couples. After another 15 minutes we sat down again. This time the Activities staff, complete with Binky, showed up to start the festivities – A big-hair competition, an air-guitar competition and the finale, a Michael Jackson dance-off. We watched the air guitar competition. Two people stood out, Dorian from Philly and Connie from Toronto. Neither actually did anything resembling an air-guitar. Instead Connie did a dead-on air-ukulele and Dorian had an epileptic seizure. Dorian won first place, consisting of a bottle of champagne and a ship on a stick. Cathy got a ship. Next it was time for big hair to shine. I forced Alicia to enter since she was the only one with actual 80’s hair (a sideways pony tail and teased bangs). Each contestant had to walk “the catwalk” and work the camera, showing off their big hair. Alicia did a good job, but alas, there was someone better. Enter the large, karaoke-singing girl, Christine. She went nuts. I mean, throw-all-inhibitions-out-the-window nuts. She shook her stuff, banged her head, threw her hair around and won the audience over. Champagne and ship were hers. Finally it was time for the MJ dance-off. The contestants were called to the stage. I was the first one there. I was the only one there for a long time. Then other contestants trickled in. Against my better judgment I went second. I should’ve gone last. But my time came and I pulled out all the stops. I hit all the moves I could think of – leg kick, pelvic thrust, spin and tippy-toes, moonwalk, and even threw a little Thriller dance in just to seal the deal. The crowd was mine. A woman, who was supposed to be a contestant, ran up to me and bowed at my feet. Then Dorian from Philly went. He began with some pop-n-lock, moved into some robot stuff, some break-dancing, then he spun around, grabbed the lapels of his shirt and ripped it open, sending buttons careening everywhere, while letting out a scream a la MJ in White or Black. The crowd roared. And I knew at that moment that I had lost the contest with one move. I filled 1 minute with vintage moves. Dorian did one move and won the bottle of champagne. I got a ship on a stick. The contest was over. The dance party was over. Alicia and I were exhausted.

We arrived back at our stateroom and began to peel our wet clothes off, literally. We were drenched in our own sweat. Everything was soaked, even the suit coat that I wore with the sleeves rolled up. It was disgusting and yet, strangely satisfying. After showers, Alicia and I laid in bed talking about the night. Alicia encouraged me over and over that I was the best dancer and that I should’ve won. *Sigh* She’s a good wife.

More to come tomorrow.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Honeymoon Blog - 10/9/2008


For our first full day of cruising we started out with such good intentions. In fact, that will be our theme for today “Good Intentions.” Here are the pictures to go along with the blog.

I don’t know exactly what I was expecting to accomplish, or even if I thought I would be able to stick to it, but I got up early today and headed to the gym (good intention #1). I worked out for 40 minutes and headed back to the room expecting to find a showered and chipper wife waiting for me. What I found was a dark room with a slumbering, groggy wife. It might have been at that moment that the reality of how different our approach to this honeymoon cruise would be. Regardless, Alicia, being the supportive wife, pulled herself out of bed and into the shower.

This seems like a good time to mention the undiscovered sport of showering on a rocking ship. I must’ve asked at least 6 different people about their cruise experiences. Each one talked about something different. One encouraged us to get out of our rooms and participate in the activities. Another spoke of the food and the need to completely abandon all ideas of eating healthy. Yet another spoke of how we would feel the gentle pulse of the engines as we slept. Not ONE person warned us that we would feel as if we were in a constant state of drunken disorientation as long as we were on our feet. Regardless of what we do, it feels as if our equilibriums suddenly go on strike and we stumble unexpectedly in one direction. Showering I can deal with, but I have abandoned all hope of trying to pee standing up. Anyway, back to the story…

We left our room and headed to the dining room for breakfast. There we were seated with two other couples – Dick and Mary, and Joe and Sherry. Joe and Sherry are newlyweds also. Both couples are from Pennsylvania. They were both nice, but neither one seemed as talkative as Alicia and I.

After breakfast we went back to the room and gathered up our Bibles and computers (good intention #2). We wanted to spend some time reading the Word and writing our thoughts. The time ended up being spent analyzing Alicia’s laptop to try and determine why she has run out of room on her hard-drive. After several clicks we determined that her hard drive was just too small for what she needed to do on a consistent basis. So we’ve decided to invest in a larger hard-drive when we return. Not exactly the spiritual insight we were hoping to receive. So we gave up on the computers and elected to indulge in some sun-bathing on the deck lounge chairs orbiting the pools. I think that lasted all of 10 minutes due to the amount of wind and the fact that we were still in pretty cool weather. What do you think we decided to do next? Yep, that’s right. The only thing there is to do on a cruise ship. Eat.

We headed to Horatio’s Restaurant on the Lido deck to partake in the lunch buffet. Each day Horatio’s gives us a different taste of the nations. Today’s taste was Mexican food. There was an American buffet, Chinese buffet, Pizza station, hot sandwich station, and Mexican buffet (not to mention the dessert station). You can only imagine what two people, who love to eat, do with this kind of selection – try it all. The part of cruising that spoils you is the fact that you can simply discard what doesn’t meet your tastebuds’ approval. There’s no need to worry about finishing it, since you don’t pay for it anyway. We ate to our bellies’ content (including dessert) and headed back to the room to rest. Alicia was doing much better today in terms of her adjustment to the lulling of the ship.

After a small nap we gathered ourselves and headed down to the Fountainside Café for the Amazing Miracle Race (Think “Amazing Race” confined to a 915-foot, 10-deck ship). We were given a set of 10 clues. Each clue pertained to a different part of the ship. We had to identify that part of the ship then answer a question about something specific found there. For instance, one of the clues referred to the place “where Batman goes to rest.” We identified that place as the Gotham lounge. Then we had to count the number of barstools found there. We only had 20 minutes to complete as many of the clues as possible, so we split up. I would call out a location on the ship and what information I needed to Alicia and she’d scurry away. We were the last team to return to the starting line. We had all but one of the clues filled out. We scored 14 out of a possible 20 points. The winning team (which had 5 people) had 17 points and won the plastic trophy. Alicia and I were not heartbroken, but after running around the ship at a near sprint for 20 minutes I was sweating buckets.

This was a great place for me to start preparing for our first night of “cruise elegant.” This is the first night when everyone was asked to dress semi-formally or formally for dinner. Alicia and both enjoyed this opportunity to shine. I brought the only suit I have, which, regrettably, is the suit I purchased for my grandmother’s funeral. It’s a dark, olive green suit, so I chose to wear a white pin-striped shirt with a red diagonal striped tie. The whole thing went together well, however I felt more like I was going to church or worked at a bank, than “elegant.” Alicia, however, looked amazing. She wore a beautiful black tank dress with some very pretty beading designs on it and black heels. She finished it off with a red pashmina wrap that really looked elegant. I was proud to escort her around the ship.

Before we headed to dinner we attended the Captain’s cocktail party. This was our opportunity to meet the Captain and the entire crew. There was a jazz band on stage and, before the official introductions, we took some pictures with “Fun Time” Freddy (yes, Carnival Cruises has their own chimney headed mascot). After the introductions Alicia and I decided to express ourselves and step out of our comfort zones by slow dancing on the stage, with other couples, to the jazz music. We basically mimicked whatever couple seemed to know what they were doing.

Once we’d danced to a full song we strolled off to dinner, stopping on the way to have our pictures taken by one of the ship’s photographers. Dinner was, of course (here’s that word again) elegant. Though there are always at least 5 appetizers (or starters, as they were listed) and 6 main courses, the center pieces were the lobster and prime rib. And yes, I had both. Alicia opted for neither. Dinner was interrupted with something they called “Showtime with Frankie.” Frankie was the South African Maitre D. He introduced himself, demanded that everyone say “hello Frankie” on the count of three and explained that the wait staff would now serenade us with “O Solo Mio.” I’m not sure if anyone else found this amusing, but I did for one simple reason: though it was mentioned repeatedly that the ship’s crew was made up 59 nationalities, I estimated that wait staff was 85% Filipino or Indonesian (the other 15% were either black or Latino). So having Asian men sing a famous Italian song to us to create a romantic atmosphere tickled me, a bit. The best laugh was only moments away.

After Alicia and I had finished our dessert, D, Francisco and a few other members of the wait staff brought us a piece of cake with two candles in it. The men sang us “Happy Anniversary” in their broken English and slightly-tone-deaf way and it was very touching. One waiter took our camera and asked us to lean in, over the table for a picture. Apparently that wasn’t good enough, so he told us to kiss… over the still-burning candles. What happened next would only last a few seconds, the reputation would last the rest of the cruise. Against my better judgment I leaned in for my kiss. Alicia also leaned in and right at the moment our lips touched, the left side of her hair fell off her shoulder and right onto the candles. The Aww’s turned to horrified Ohh’s as my wife’s hair ignited. In a flurry of smoke, embers, crackles and flapping hands, the moment began and ended in mere seconds. The nauseating smell of burnt hair, however, lingered and permeated through the dining room. I held my breath and waited, teetering on edge of loving encouragement and hysterical laughter. My reaction was hinged on hers. To my surprise and relief, Alicia started laughing. We both laughed to the point of tears. One concerned shipmate after another paraded by our table to express their shock and empathy. What an amazing wife I have! She actually had to encourage them!

Because of what happened, Alicia needed to go back to the room to wash and repair the damage (which turned out to be minor). Once she was satisfied that she wasn’t sporting a freakshow hairstyle we wanted to take an evening stroll on the Lido deck. We walked, arm-in-arm, along the perimeter of the top of the ship, taking in the breeze, taking in the moment, taking in each other.

It was a full day of good fun, but it was after all our honeymoon, so we headed back to the room to enjoy the remainder of the night cuddling and talking and… well, you get the idea.

See you tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Honeymoon Blog - 10/8/2008


What a whirlwind of a day. Here are pictures to go along with the blog. Today’s theme was “Sensory Over-stimulation”. We saw so much in so little time. We kept moving the whole time so we could take in as much of NYC as possible. We got up around 8:30 a.m. and started moving. I packed the night before so I was pretty much ready to go. We called the front desk to ask for an extended checkout time of 2 p.m. Alicia packed most of her stuff and we headed downstairs to breakfast.

Like I said yesterday due to my Diamond status with Hilton we were given access to a private breakfast area with some basic, and yet very ritzy continental breakfast items. We ate our fill of fresh fruits and cereals, hard-boiled eggs and toast, coffee and juices. After breakfast it was back to the room to prepare for our fast-paced tour of NYC. We finished packing up our stuff so it’d be ready for us to just to grab and check out. We had to be at the ship no later than 4 p.m.

We walked about a block to 7th and 54th to get on the redline train to Downtown. On the way we stopped and got some Starbucks coffee. We purchased all day fun passes and waited briefly for our train. We took it all the way down to just past the World Trade Center. Actually we were so busy talking that we missed the stop we were supposed to get off at. But it actually worked to our advantage because as we were making our way back to the WTC we ran smack-dab into St. Paul’s Trinity Church – the famous church of NYC where President after President has stopped to worship, from George W. (Washington) to George W. (Bush). It was surrounded by a beautiful and yet ancient (by U.S. standards) cemetery. There on one side of the cemetery was a memorial to a fire department who apparently lost many men in a tragedy in the 70’s. We entered the church at the beginning of their Eucharist. The kind, yet firm black man stopped me at the door thanks to the coffee in my hand. So I went out and threw it away. As I tried to re-enter, he stopped me and asked me to remove my hat. After I snapped his religious neck and kicked his dead body (when in New York!) Alicia and I took in the beauty of the stained glass and vaulted ceilings.

We left the church and two things came to my attention. First, I found it rather ironic and yet appropriate that Wall Street, the financial hub of the world, ran right up to the door of the church. Secondly, I was hit with the reality that this church was only two blocks from the collapse of the two towers and was probably, literally buried in rubble and debris and, yet, there appeared to be almost no damage to this house of worship. As we approached the footprint of the WTC cranes and tractors, men and women were hard at work, rebuilding. There was hope and determination in the air, mixed with memorials and pledges to remember. “We Will Never Forget” was displayed everywhere. Some of written by hand on the walls, the scaffolding and the sidewalks, others were written on beautiful monuments and bronze or copper etchings and murals. I could only compare the experience to the first time I stood in front of the Vietnam Memorial in D.C. There was a common respect and understanding amongst every person visiting.

We headed back towards the subway station, grabbing a slice of authentic New York cheese pizza on the way. Alicia grabbed it by the crust and held it up, demonstrating the flimsy crust as it hung limp. “That’s New York pizza!” She exclaimed. We munched as we walked and boarded the subway, but this time headed Uptown.

We got off the subway at Penn Station and headed east on 34th street toward the Empire State Building. We passed Macy’s as we walked. As we reached the base of the Empire State Building I craned my neck to try and fit the whole thing in the camera lens. I wanted to try and capture how immense it was. We walked around the corner to the 5th Ave entrance and walked in. It was as if we were immediately transported back in time to the 30’s and 40’s. We intended to ride the elevator to the top, but had second thoughts when we saw the cost and looked at the time. So we stopped at a Walgreen’s located on the first floor and bought some candy and batteries.

A short subway ride north and we exited at Time Square. I imagine that the scene would have been more spectacular at night, but it was still worth seeing. Alicia spotted the Hard Rock Café sign and we headed that way. I simply had to say that I’d “been there and bought the t-shirt.” We noted the time and the fact that we were dangerously close to 2 p.m. So we hurried to buy the t-shirt and get going.

I’m not sure if it was Alicia or me that suggested we skip the subway and walk back to the hotel, but either way our walking turned to running as we realized we might not make the 2 p.m. check out time. I’m so glad that we were both in shape, because the run would’ve been challenging for most people. We ran the 7 blocks back to the Hilton. Alicia went upstairs to start grabbing luggage while I officially check out. We barely made it. I went upstairs and we wrestled our luggage out of the room and down the elevator.

Alicia had two large pink rolling suitcases and I had one extra-large rolling suitcase. In addition to that we both had computer bags and I had a duffle bag. We divided up the luggage between ourselves and set out walking toward Pier 90 at the Westside docks. We were located at 6th and 54th and Pier 90 is on the Henry Hudson Parkway and 50th. We walked, dragging our luggage behind us. I dragged around 100 pounds, Alicia dragged about 65 pounds. We stopped every couple of blocks to let our shoulders rest. Somehow I got it in my head that the Pier was on 57th, so we walked up three blocks. By the time we reached 9th Ave I checked the map and realized that we had to walk 7 blocks south to 50th then west another 6 blocks to the Pier. Alicia didn’t complain the entire time. She simply said “let’s do it.”

Tired, sweaty and sore, we arrived at Pier 90, at 2:45 p.m. and checked our luggage. We went upstairs to get in the security line and were a little in shock at how long it was. So we decided to make a quick 2-block walk to a convenience store to buy some goodies for the ship. When we returned at 3:30 there was absolutely no line. We walked right through security. Then we were supposed to stand in line to sign into the ship and double-check our on-board account. The kind ladies, somehow had pity on us and stuck us in an extremely short line. Within minutes we were on-board.

We found our stateroom and were pleasantly surprised at how roomy it was. We explored the ship for a few minutes until the announcement came to return to our rooms and get our life-vests. We were assigned to “Muster Station A”. We followed the herd to the appropriate doors and lined up for our ever so difficult instructions on how to put on a life-vest. Once that was over and we were dismissed, we headed off to find a place to watch the ship pull out. We found a perfect place on the port side of the ship to wave at people on the other ships as back away from the dock. Once the ship was moving forward and we could estimate what side the Statue of Liberty would pass on we found another perfect spot at the front of the ship to stand take pictures. It was an awesome sight to see her pass. We both commented on how it must have felt as an immigrant to come to the country and see that for the first time.

After we’d passed the Statue, we headed to dinner. There we met our wait staff, Darmadi (called “D”) and Francisco. D is from Indonesia and Francisco is from Peru. They are both very kind and full of smiles, but could not look more different. D is short and stocky. What he lacks in stature he makes up for in his huge smile. We think we heard him singing “This is my desire, to honor you…” Francisco is tall and skinny with very Incan looking features. Alicia had a difficult time wrapping her head around the concept that our food was included and didn’t cost any additional money. I tried (and probably failed a few times) to be patient. Finally I think it stuck and we ordered to our hearts delight. Truthfully, we were both disappointed with the food. We both felt as if it was the kind of food we could order at a TGI Friday’s or some other restaurant that serves a variety of foods from different cultures. We hoped that the food would get better. During dinner the rocking of the ship took its toll on Alicia. We both hoped that it wouldn’t last the duration of the cruise.

After dinner we headed back to our room and met Maria our stewardess and Herbert from the housekeeping staff. Maria is from Romania and Herbert is from the Philippines. Our luggage had arrived by this time so we unpacked and settled in. Alicia took some Dramamine to calm her wooziness. We checked the schedule and discovered that there were some trivia contests going on in the next few minutes so we headed out to participate. On the way I joked that it was my goal to dominate the ship and become “that guy.” The first trivia was “Music in the Movies” trivia. They’d show us musical clips of various movies and ask for the title of the movie. Then they’d ask two follow-up questions about details in the clip – color of flowers, actors’ names, etc. When the clips were done we reviewed the answers and I counted 14 out of a possible 21 points. However, when I heard that someone had more points than me, my competitive nature kicked in and I quickly recounted. With Alicia sitting right next to me I discovered that I’d miscounted and actually had 17 points which tied me with the lead. They asked a follow-up, tie-breaker question which we both missed. The result was that we both won a bottle of French Champagne.

We stuck around for the next trivia game which was called “Last Person Standing.” This was general trivia covering all subjects. Every four questions every person would stand up and the correct answers were reviewed. If you missed an answer you had to sit down. Before long there were only 8 participants left and Alicia was one of them. They were invited up on stage and were asked more questions. The playing field was widdled down to two players – Alicia and another woman. They both missed the next 3 questions. Then they asked about the medical term for dandruff. Two of the choices were obviously silly and narrowed the options down to “scurf” or “scruff.” Alicia picked scurf. The other woman picked “scruff.” After a nail-biting pause, it was revealed that Alicia won. They handed her a silly little trophy that they called a “24-carat, solid-gold-plastic, ship on a stick.” Regardless of the prize we were well on our way to being “that couple.”

We were exhausted, so we went back to our stateroom and spent the rest of the night talking and resting until we fell asleep.

Like I said... what a day!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Honeymoon Blog - 10/7/2008


I guess if you want to get technical, our honeymoon started the moment we left the reception hall, but we took a day in between there to load a moving truck with Alicia’s things. So we don’t really count Monday. Today’s theme was "Welcome to the Purdys." These pictures go along with the blog.

Today, though, was a fantastic start to a new life together. I’m anticipating that the next 9 days will be overwhelming with new sights, sounds and smells. Seeing places I’d only read about or seen on TV or through third-party tales. Finally it will be me that will have the stories to tell.

We began our journey a little later than we anticipated. Today we had planned to leave the Hotel Vienna in Windham, NY, around 8:00 a.m. We ended up leaving around noon. We were both so sleep-deprived after the week leading up to the wedding that sleeping in just sounded like the greatest luxury in the world at the time. We stopped in Cairo, NY, (pronounced CARE-oh) to drop off Alicia’s dress and have a little lunch at Mickey D’s with the kids. We said our goodbyes and headed down to NYC.


On the way we took a 30-minute detour to a little town that I had discovered back in the hills. (Thanks Google Maps!) We took a picture under the highway sign at the entrance to the city – Purdys, NY. Seemed fitting. After that tender moment we made a beeline down to Manhattan where we had to check into our hotel, dump the luggage in our room and then turn the rental car in.


We stayed in the New York Hilton, on Avenue of the Americas (6th) and 54th, just blocks away from Central Park and Times Square. There have been a few times in the last 2 years that I’ve actually felt really glad that I’ve spent so much time traveling, since it has afforded me so many free hotel nights and airline tickets. This time I slapped my Hilton HHonors card down with its Diamond status and they gave us a fantastic room on the 32nd floor. Also because of my status, they gave us access to the top floor breakfast area and free breakfast. We entered our room, enjoyed the view, stayed long enough to drop off our luggage and get directions to National 9 blocks away.


We made it to National after refueling the car and had a wonderful experience where the very helpful young man inadvertently charged me $400 instead of the $100 I was expecting. Of course he was eager to assist me and correct the problem after I brought it to his attention. Now, reread the whole thing, but this time with dripping sarcasm. I decided it wasn’t going to go anywhere, so I’d take it up with National’s customer service when I returned to the room. We walked the 9 blocks back to the hotel. On the way back we grabbed a couple of hot dogs and a pretzel from a street vendor.


As soon as we got back to the hotel it was time to get ready for the grand finale of the night – our orchestra seats at Wicked. I hurried and wrote my strongly-worded letter to National Car while Alicia stood over me asking me if I was ready and reminding me of the time. I scrambled to get ready which involved ironing a shirt and dry-shaving my face. But we were out the door in plenty of time.


The Gershwin Theater is off Broadway on 51st and was roughly a 6-block walk for us. Alicia was in a beautiful, black, strapless dress with black heels and a red, silky wrap around her shoulders and I wore black slacks, an indigo blue dress shirt and a matching tie. We looked stunning as we entered the theater and made our way to our seats. The show started not long after we sat down. Right as the show started, I whispered to Alicia that I would reveal nothing to her unless she asked. Most of the night, she just enjoyed the look on my face as I sang along (quietly) with the actors and actresses. It was a wonderful experience and an incredible way to officially kick off our honeymoon.


We made our way back to the hotel, stopping on the way to buy “I love NY” souvenirs for the kids. We were both very hungry when we settled down at the hotel, so we ordered a pizza and some assorted gourmet cheese to go with our VGS Chardonnay (thanks Pat and Lois, it was wonderful!) Satisfied and tired, we laid down for the night.


Tomorrow will be an even bigger day. We’re going to see NY and then head to our ship.